Sex is not love

It’s that time of the year again when mothers with teenage daughters pray that they could press a fast-forward button in life and find themselves just at the school-opening day. Worse still  is for those with daughters  who’ve finished their KCPE/ KCSE exams: some such feel that  they’ve been freed from jail and it’s “time to enjoy”.

  Unfortunately young and old men are out there all too eager to grant such their fancies. Fortunately,only a small percentage of girls indulge in such as most of them either lack the opportunity or are intelligent enough to know better.

I believe that most of the young girls who end in the sex trap can broadly be grouped into two. The first group comprises of those who are basically deluded that sex = love. They believe there’s a causative relationship between sex and love, and that to prove that one loves a guy,she has to sleep with him. It mind sound naive at this time and age, but it’s happening everyday. Such girls will give in to their “lovers” insistence even if they know it’s wrong. By the time they realize the relationship between sex and love is merely correlation,it’s too late, and possibly the guy already has another gullible  chick he’s telling how she needs to sleep with him to prove her love for him.  

The second group is  essentially a product of our patriarchal socialization where girls and women are raised to believe they are “weak vessels”. As such they are not allowed  responsibility even over their own lives. They believe girls and women have no say over the sex process: they just have to wait for pickup lines from guys and they have to drop it like it’s hot. We then exhort  the girls to “say no”, and we wonder why this mantra  doesn’t work its magic.

In most ethnic groups,a guy who impregnates a girl is given a choice either to marry the young woman or pay “for breaking another man’s goat’s leg” (don’t ask me what it means; it’s not important. This implies that the girl had nothing to do with the whole thing. Most readers will be on my neck ostensibly for blaming the victim (the pregnant woman). Just indulge while I get to my point.

From experience, and thorough consideration my view  is that in a normal sexual encounter,  women (and girls) hold the “executive power” over the whole sexual process. They decide when and if it will happen! If a lady raised up with the knowledge  that  she’s a human being with a brain as good as any gentleman’s, and who has been given responsibility over her own life,and knows she’ll be blamed in case of pregnancy won’t find it hard to talk no, and walk it. And no man, irrespective of how suave his pick up lines are would make her budge!

Over this Christmas season, tell that young girl near you that  she’s responsible for her own life, and that we will blame her for any visible results of her misadventures.        

UNLESS IT IS RAPE! I do not consider Rape and sexual assault  of any kind  as a normal sexual encounter. These are crimes which should be categorized with robbery with violence and punished as such!            
              

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