Why I want a wife by Judy Brady cc @femnetprog

May 21, 2013

 Why I Want a Wife by Judy Brady

I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife. And, not altogether

incidentally, I am a mother.

Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a

recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is looking

for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it

suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a

wife?

I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent,

support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I

want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school

I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife to keep track of the children’s

doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a

wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who

will wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a

goodnurturant attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling,

makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to

the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are

sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because,

of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose

time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income

from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will

arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.

I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will

keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children, a wife who will

pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended,

replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in

their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a

wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan

the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them

pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who

will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time

from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that

someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and

change of scene.

1

 

I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a

wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain

a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I

want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife

and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will take care of the

babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to

entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal,

serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest

me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children

are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not

bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my guests so that they feel

Comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are passed the

Hors d’oeuvres, that they are offered a second helping of the food, that their wine

glasses are replenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them as they

like it. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately

and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied.

And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am

not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for

birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain

sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with

jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail

more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to

people as fully as possible.

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already

have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally,

I will expect a fresh new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible

for them so that I am left free.

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working

and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care

of a wife’s duties.

My God, who wouldn’t want a wife?

From Ms. Magazine, 1972.Copyright © 1970 by Judy Syfers.Reprinted by permission.

#BEYOND_TRIBE..

March 29, 2013

ABSTRACT
 
I can’t put it any clearer than Einstein did: “The challenges we face today can’t be solved at the same level of consciousness we were at when we created them”. At the same time he defined insanity as “doing the same thing and hoping for different results”. We need to change our system of “democracy”, otherwise we’ll go on perpetuating  tribalism/ and negative ethnicity. Singing the national anthem won’t help, and neither will exhorting tribalists to end tribalism. I’m still not convinced as to how old tribalists will ever grow up to be non tribal, or tribalist professors get educated to stop being tribalists. Maybe our salvation lies in the children we are busy telling how Kikuyus,luos,kalenjins,kambas are evil in the name of “exercising our Democratic right to elect a president…”         

There is no one universal definition and practice of democracy. Indeed, Democracy as practiced by USA, Britain, India and all the other great democracies in the world differ a great deal.

However, there are two basic tenets upon which democracy hinges, viz:

1) That all the members of the society (citizens) have equal access to power.

2) That all citizens enjoy universally recognized freedoms and liberties

In a democracy, access to power is mainly through voting. Thus, ‘equal access to power’ implies an assumed equality, in numerical terms, among the various groups or members of the society competing for the same. Any numerical differences among the members of the society leads to feelings of marginalization of the smaller groups which may ultimately be exploited by some people to cause strife.Once the first principle(numerical equality) fails the test, the second principle will not be worth the paper it’s written on, the assumption being that once a group is denied ‘equal’ access to power their freedoms and liberties will be trampled on by the bigger group.

HERE IN LIES KENYA’S POLITICAL TRIBALISM WHICH RAPIDLY SPILL OVER  INTO SOCIAL PROBLEMS

First, the groups (tribes) in the society competing for power have numerical differences, so that there is this all pervasive notion that the political process is not fair; especially when it comes to the highest political office in the land, namely, the presidency. With the kikuyu at 22% of the Kenyan population and Turkana at about 1%, it’s understandable. This will always be used by politicians as an excuse to sow hatred amongst the various ‘marginalized’ groups, as it happened in 2007/2008.

Secondly, Most Kenyans equate power with the presidency.  Full stop.

Thirdly, the curse (some might call it a blessing) of Kenya’s ethnic differences (cultural diversity) and its attendant numerical differences. However, one should be cognizant of the fact that homogeneity might not necessarily be a solution to Kenya’s political problems: A case in point being Somali, with citizens of same tribe and religion and endless political conflicts.

 
WHAT IS TRIBALISM?
Belonging to a Tribe (ethnic group) is just one of the myriads of identities an individual has as a member of the society. It’s just like being a member of a family, a church, a university, social class etc. Belonging to a tribe is neither negative nor positive.

 

Identities usually turn negative only in cases of competition.

Let me split hairs: If the identity called you and I were in a competition, whom would you support? What of if our children were competing, would you really support mine rather than your son or daughter? Remember London Olympics 2012, which country did you support (especially in games where you had countrymen/women competing?)

 

Politics is essentially a competition for the power or authority to manage public resources. In a democracy, Politicians need the numbers to emerge winners. To get the numbers, a politician will appeal to members of his/her family, clan, tribe, religion etc depending on the position at stake, or the identity with the requisite numbers.

 

Most People always tend to support someone with whom they have a commonality, including sharing a world view, having similar beliefs, being from the same tribe, having similar policies, etc.

Tribalism is basically, ethnocentrism, where individuals feel that their tribe is better than the others. This might extend to the feeling that one’s tribe is the only one capable of leadership or deserves leadership.

In other words tribalism is racism writ small, and nepotism writ large. It’s easy for a person to elect one of his/her kind: what percentage of black voters voted for Obama in his reelection? How many whites voted for Romney?
   

 

The easiest way of addressing the issue of tribalism is to remove all situations where ethnic identity can be invoked as a source of “numbers”. In Kenya, devolution in the new constitution will go a long way in addressing the issue of competition for resources, but the presidency is still an issue. The COE erred by putting the requisite threshold of the attainment of the presidency so high, effectively sustaining the flawed perception that the presidency is still as “all powerful” as in the old constitution. As long as this perception remains there will always be people who’ll prey on the gullibility of their fellow ethnocentrists to try and get elected.  There are two ways of dealing with political tribalism:

 

1. CUTTING THE DIRECT LINK BETWEEN THE ELECTION OF THE PRESIDENCY AND THE VOTERS

 

Kenyans are ONE, 4 out of every 5 years: They school together, they engage in business, interact at their work places, drink together- heck they even intermarry!

 

In the course of the four years, we engage in many PEACEFUL by-elections resulting either from successful petitions against elected officials or from their demise. This should serve as proof enough that elections, per se, aren’t exactly the cause of election violence (pre or post)
     

The fifth year is exclusively set aside for every Kenyan to go back to their tribal cocoons, and help one of their kinsman/woman to become the president. And if a tribe doesn’t have the requisite numbers to make it to the presidency, the members are “herded” into coalitions that would make sure that the Kikuyu doesn’t get the presidency (again!). The end result of all this is resentment towards the winning candidate’s tribe, the flawed perception being that “now the whole of that tribe will benefit at the expense of all the others”. This resentment is a powder keg that require just a few comments like “mass action” from some leaders to ignite it into a full blown explosion as was witnessed in the ’07/’08 PEV.

The only way to prevent this resentment from percolating into our social fabric is to eliminate the direct thread that ties an individual, and by extension the tribe, to the determination of the occupant of the house on the hill.

The model I have in mind that would cut this direct link, is the election of the speaker of the national assembly. The speaker of the national assembly (quite a powerful position) is elected by MPs-elect without asking for the electorates’ help. This ensures that the issue of tribe doesn’t feature so prominently as there’s no direct link between the election of the speaker and Wanjiku the voter.

My proposal for severing this direct link between Wanjiku and the presidency is as follows:

a). The voters elect their local officials (county assembly  representatives, MPs, senators, women representatives and Governors).

b). The legislators (senators and  MPs) join together and elect the president and his/her running mate from amongst themselves, just the same way they elect the  speaker of the national assembly.

In any case, since the legislators  have the powers to fire( read: impeach)  the president, why can’t we give them the power to hire him/her?

The president is supposed to be the president of the whole country. This is the best way to ensure that this theory is in tandem with the practice.     
         

2. A REVOLVING PRESIDENCY/MAKING TRIBE THE SUBJECT OF THE FORMULA

 

In this one I am proposing we replicate the 2002 general elections

 

For those of us with short memories, or worse, selective amnesia, I’m referring  the only general elections since the advent of multi party politics that we didn’t have  electoral violenc(pre or Post).

The campaigns were fun: no tribal tags, one took money from the rich (read: corrupt politicians) and voted for his/her leader of choice, nobody got threats from neighbors because they considered them  “outsiders”.

 

One factor which many Kenyans refuse to credit with these peaceful and blissful ‘02 elections is that THE TWO MAIN CANDIDATES WERE FROM A SINGLE TRIBE! Kenyans were, therefore, forced to rise above “tribe”  as a qualification for the presidency. We were able to argue on party policies, academic qualifications, age, experience etc of the candidates.

 

After the elections were announced there was actually a spirited effort by Kenyans to “straighten things out” without “tunaomba  serikali iingilie Kati” excuses. A case in point being the people actually arresting bribe -taking policemen!

If we could replicate this ’02 election scenario, Kenyans can rise above tribal politics and embark on making Kenya an African tiger by 2030.

 

In  a revolving presidency system, each tribe gets a shot at having one of their own as the president without interfering with the day to day Kenyans’ activities of eking out a living, like it happened during ’07/’08 PEV. Unless, of course, there’s a tribe which doesn’t have the capacity to produce leaders…

 

This will involve the following:

a). One ethnic community is selected. The ethnic community must not have had “one of their own” as a president.

 

b). Once this ethnic group is Identified, ALL presidential candidates shall come from just this one ethnic community. This will remove tribe as an issue in the elections. 

 

3). The selection of the concerned community can be done through either

i) Using the numerical differences: the community with 3million members is followed by the one with 2.3 million members and so on and so on. 

ii) All those tribes who’ve never had the presidency can be engaged in a raffle.

 

I understand this is not exactly the “democracy” as we read in all those big books, but it’s the only way forward for Kenya and kenyans to rise above tribe and avoid another bout of PEV.

I’m not saying that we won’t have ignorant ethnic bigots who believe only their tribes are perfect,they’ll be always be there; the same way we have some individuals in a family who believe the rest are crap. These will be cured in time, and they won’t bring the whole country grinding into a halt.   

 

#What_if the #Pope was elected directly by the Roman Catholic members…

March 24, 2013

Current practice in that the Pope, the spiritual leader of a 1 billion odd Roman Catholic faithfuls, is elected by a select group of Cardinals who represent the various countries.

In the run_up to the election of  Pope Francis  to succeed Pope Benedict who absconded, Catholics in most parts of the world were of the opinion that the next Pope should be markedly different from Benedict.

They hoped he’d be relatively  young, of good health,having the capacity to manage and deal with the myriad of problems facing the church, especially the dwindling number of faithfuls in the church as well as the issue of pedophilia amongst some priests. Most would not have preferred another Pope whose conservative credentials ratings were past 9 on the Richter scale..

Another crucial qualification in many Catholics’ minds was the geographical location from whence he hails. Indeed, most continents had frontrunners: Africa had Ghana’s Cardinal,Asia had Philippines’ Cardinal, Latin America had one from Brazil…

In as much as the faithfuls believed that it’s God who would give the cardinals the directions as to whom to eventually vote for to replace Benedict, most still hoped that he’d direct them to elect one away from Europe; preferably from their own continent or better yet, their own country.       

When it was all said and the conclave done,and the white smoke and bells finally announced the successful election of the new Pope,the only qualification whose prayers were answered was nationality. It’d have been interesting to see what would have happened to the church  if the smoke had, through divine intervention, shaped itself (a la “Mene Mene Tekel, Parsin”)  into a name of a cardinal from Germany… I digress.

Suppose the Roman Catholic faithfuls were given full suffrage rights to directly  elect the Pope? And suppose that into the mix is added the impression or rather a perception is created that once a Pope comes from a certain country the prayers of the faithfuls of the whole of that country gets priority?

I can just imagine kenyan Catholics, falling all over themselves to elect a Ugandan  Cardinal,or even better, Ugandan Catholic faithfuls happily electing a Cardinal from Germany.(again!).

Using “The Tyranny of Numbers” theory as espoused by one Mutahi Ngunyi, calculate the probability of resentment,hatred and corruption amongst Catholic faithfuls of various countries in the pursuit of the Papacy…                                              

#Cabinet_secretaries appointments on a 50:50 basis (men: women),#kenya?

March 21, 2013

Is it likely that whichever the coalition government -or, amadioha forbid, grand coalition government- that forms the next government may appoint half the cabinet of male and the other half female?

I doubt it. The only guy I know who has such guts is Chief justice Mutunga: He’s on record as the only man to have appointed as many male colleagues as females to senior leadership positions in the judiciary!

The only two “explanations” as to  why the government might decide to appoint more men than women to senior leadership positions are:

1. More men than women voted for them..

2. Women leaders in the NGO world are only interested in 1/3 of positions..

3. Only 13 of women in the whole country have the requisite qualifications for such senior leadership positions…

4.Its not about having women leaders;rather its about having “good leaders”…

Fifth #President of #Kenya should be a #woman

March 13, 2013

From “Women CAN BE leaders” to “women ARE leaders”.

Details to follow on 

WHY:

WHO:

HOW:

LAW AND ORDER: #CORD’S PETITION AGAINST #UHURU’S WIN A BAD IDEA

March 13, 2013

For the record, I didn’t vote for the jubilee, and I’ve never campaigned for them. But give the devil his due, Uhuruto through their jubilee coalition  won and were declared winners by the IEBC.

I love law and order just like the next person out there , but I love order more. I believe law is supposed to serve order and not the other way round. A society needs laws and rules to maintain order and peace. We shouldn’t pursue law to the detriment of order in the society.

If I were asked,I would have preferred that we engage a recognized and impartial organization, whether internal or international,to  audit  the whole electoral process as conducted by the IEBC so that we can improve on this experience.

Taking a petition to court, then running around the country trying to convince the voters that you won is not exactly doing the existing peace and order in the country a whole lot of good.

We need to move on as a country. I don’t exactly fancy the chances of peaceful elections if the the judiciary came to the  conclusion that there’s need for a rerun.On the other hand, after being convinced that their win was actually taken away from them, the cord supporters are expecting nothing less than a declaration that Raila won. If all this augurs  well for peace and stability in Kenya, then I’m the president of UGANDA!

Then again we can always pray for peace…

#Women who WONT vote for women are not much different from #men who think women are half human.. @femnetprog,@Marthakarua

March 3, 2013

Chances are that a woman will get into that polling booth tomorrow,4th march 2013, and vote for MEN ONLY in all the various positions up for grabs.

I know alot of men will do exactly that because they realize that politics is power and they are, therefore, reluctant to cede any to women. Many men would also like to perpetuate the patriarchal narrative that LEADER means MAN.

The question that really bugs my mind is the motivation behind women voting for men.

Actions speak louder than words: If you believe women are as good leaders as men ,vote for at least three women out the six positions you’ll be voting in.

And please stop apologizing for voting in women just because they they are women: we vote for men just because they are men all the time. As long as she has a first degree cert, she’s qualified!

Maybe,next time  women should be wearing   tracksuits in their campaign posters so that people realize that women actually do “run for office..’

My vote: #President (#MusaliaMudavadi/@Jnkioni), #Governor(male),#Senator(female),#MP(female),#women_rep(female), County Assembly Rep (male)

February 26, 2013

PRESIDENT

Apart from the small issue of Nominative Determinism(see earlier post), Musalia is the only individual with the potential of uniting the whole country due to his being non confrontational. From amongst the top three popular candidates,he’s the only one who doesn’t have a whole community or two against him. I’m hoping he becomes a stop-gap measure to ensure that we cross from the old constitutional dispensation to the new constitutional  dispensation peacefully, thus ensuring we have the requisite stability that will enhance economic growth. 

I consider myself an enlightened Kikuyu, and I’d like to believe that I can live without the president coming from my tribe.

[Uhuru by virtue of his being a Kikuyu will have quite a few communities thoroughly against his presidency.
Raila has the better part of "Mt Kenya Mafia" and the kalenjin  dead set against his presidency ]

If you asked me- which you ain’t doing- I’d let Uhuru and Raila settle their differences in the opposition benches for five years..

GOVERNOR
In the county  I’m registered to vote,there are only male candidates for the position. I have settled on a qualified manager/ leader whom I’ll vote for. If There were women running for this position I definitely would’ve voted for a female governor…

SENATOR,MP,WOMEN REP
I have identified female candidates that I’ll vote for in all these positions.

I walk my talk, and I believe in “WOMEN AND MEN ARE LEADERS”. As such I long made a conscious decision to elect at least 3 women out of the six positions up for grabs in the 4 the March 2013 elections.

Besides, I think our young daughters need more women-leader role models.

COUNTY ASSEMBLY REP
I’ve identified a qualified man for this position whom I’ll vote for.

From the foregoing it’s noteworthy that it’s almost impossible to find my kind of combination within a single party. This has essentially meant that I’ll not vote for a “suit”…
             
      

OF #Peace in the 4th March elections, #AmaniCoalition and #Nominative_Determinism

February 24, 2013

Nominative Determinism is a theory that a person’s name can have a significant role in determining key aspects of job, profession or even character.

In a paper on “synchronicity”   Carl Jung  states: “we find ourselves in  something of quandary when it comes to making up our minds about a phenomenon which Stokel calls the ‘compulsion of the name’. What he means by this is the sometimes quite gross coincidence between a mans name and his peculiarities or profession. For instance…Herr Feist (Mr stout) is food minister,Herr Rosstauscher(Mr Horse trader) is a lawyer,Herr Kalberer (Mr Calves) is an obstetrician…are these the whimsicalities of chance or the suggestive effects of the name as Stokel seems to suggest, or are they meaningful coincidences?”

Carl Jung also cited a few other examples among the psychologists: “Herr Freud (Joy) champions the pleasure principles,Herr Adler(Eagle)   the will to power, Herr Jung(young) the idea of rebirth …”
Social psychologists, and even laymen, have for long argued that a name can indeed significantly influence a life.

In the Kikuyu and Kamba  communities,I’m yet to meet a poor Kitonga/Gitonga(a wealthy person), or a rich muthini(poor person). I’m pretty sure you can find quite a few such examples in you own culture.

Everyone in Kenya, in East Africa, and indeed the whole world wants peace during and after the 4th March 2013 general elections. As such, Maybe we should elect the Amani Coalition (Peace coalition). I’m just saying…                   

#Corruption vs #campaigns in #Kenya: where’s the thin line?

January 16, 2013

In my humble opinion, Kenyan voters are the most corrupt people this side of the Sahara. In fact most Kenyans love electioneering season and consider it “the time to eat” from politicians and those who are aspiring to be politicians.

This is one of the main reasons why we usually vote only for rich people. Tell anyone to vote for you and the reply is “nunua chai”(buy for us a cup of tea). Woe unto you if your only “currency” is issues and policies: people will just listen to you and tell you to get elected by “those policies of yours”. In some cases I’ve heard voters shouting that they need “standing allowances” before they can listen to political speeches at political rallies.  

The assumption in most parts of Kenya is that one can’t contest a political seat “hungry”, ie without having more money than just for basic needs. In any case, the voters argue, it’s a job you are looking for, and like all or almost all jobs in Kenya,one has to grease some palms in order to acquire it-Never mind the fact that once elected the same guys will never leave your office as “you were elected to serve them”.

In essence most of these politicians actually “buy” their elective seats.

This is especially effective during party primaries and especially in big parties in regions where a party’s ticket is almost a guaranteed elective seat. It’s made even worse by the fact that very few of the registered  voters actually take part in these party  nominations,so it’s easy to give money to enough of them to win.   

No one government body or organization can police against this kind of corruption. How does one differentiate between money paid as wages for campaigns and that paid to voters in order for them to vote for a candidate? One paid voter might influence one or ten people to vote for the candidate. In such a case, the money takes on the aspect of wages paid for campaigning. At the same meeting,another voter will take the money from the same politician, fail to campaign or even vote for him/her. The million shilling is: where does one draw the line between money given and received as a bribe, and money given and received as wages for work done(  campaigning)?

Only the voter can differentiate the two.

And the same voters whine lyrical about the government and politicians being corrupt…

In the USA elections of 2008, American voters actually funded Obama’s campaign. They also volunteered during campaigns; they didn’t wait for him and his party to come giving them money. I reckon this is because they believed in him as a person and the principles and policies he espoused.

Until Kenyans stop receiving money from politicians,I propose that once “elected”, the politician should NOT pay tax, should stay as far away as possible from the electorate,and corruptly amass as much wealth as possible…                          


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